Change for the better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk1bstD4nY8


This song gives me hope while looking deep for my serenity....That's all I've got today....

Denial is not a river in Africa

"Denial is a symptom of the effects of alcoholism.  Just as alcoholics often deny their drinking problems, many of us who have been affected by this disease deny our problems as well.  Although we may have been living in chaos, worried about our families, full of self-doubt, and spiritually, emotionally, and physically depleted, many of us learned to pretend that everything was just fine."

This is where I am today.  I am at a loss of words (weird) so I will borrow these words to share.

"Today it is important for me to be in an environment in which honesty is practiced.  I don't necessarily launch into a detailed description of my woes or my joys - that isn't always desirable or appropriate - but when asked how I'm doing, I try to ask myself what the real answer is.  This frees me from the habit of denial and gives me choices."

~Courage to Change

A New Day

Today is a new day....I will try to be more positive today than I was yesterday...I'm human just like the rest of you, and yes...I have those weak moments.  That's what this blog is all about. 

Trying to find Serenity and the ugly, crazy, inspiring battle that gets you there...or so I hope.

(Have I mentioned, I'm obviously not there yet!)

I'm officially on that "emotional roller coaster".  Let me off please!

Anyways....let's focus on what I can do to get off that nasty ride, and have a better attitude.

Today I am going to choose to NOT take other peoples actions personally.  The world is not against me.

I can only be a victim if that's the role I choose.  I will NOT be a victim of the ugly world today.

I will accept what I can not change...and only work on changing what I can...ie. my attitude.

Sometimes what I think is a crisis, in the long run, is really just a bump in the road...some bumps are bigger than others...but I have a lot of "shock absorption."  LOL

Quote of my day...
"God asks no man whether he will accept life.  That is not the choice.  You must take it.  The only choice is how."  ~Henry Ward Beecher

Have a great weekend, and here's to positivity!!!

Taking a Stand and Standing Firm

I just want to briefly say that in life things happen.  We can't control them, nor alter their appearance.  But there are some things we can control, and it's ok to stand up for yourself. 

Sometimes I find that I take a step back and just let things happen around me and keep my mouth shut to spare others feelings, then other things I take hold of and won't let go.  I can't seem to find that happy medium of knowing what to hold on to and what to let go. 

I have never been afraid to voice my opinion before, but sometimes I keep it in because I think it's a waste of breath.

Today, I will say what is on my mind, because that is my right.  It is especially important to voice my concerns when it can be the difference between helping save a life, or letting it slip away.

I am tired of standing idly by while I watch someone I love hurt themselves and watch others enable. They may not know what is really happening so it's my obligation to make it known.  So today I will let those in my life know what is hurting me, what is hurting my family and why.  It's ok, because that's what's best for me and mine.  I will not suppress my best interests to conserve the feelings of another.  I have to do what's right for me and my family.  I don't want to cause anguish to anyone else, so I will do it in as cordial of a manner as I can and still get out what needs to be said.  Sorry if anyone is offended...it is what it is.

Admitting

Admitting when you're wrong is an art...a skill...a learned behavior.  Admitting when you're wrong is so terrifying and difficult....for EVERYONE!

Why is it so hard to do, when we know how great we will feel once we do it?  This is something I am not good at, just ask my co-workers....but it's definitely something I have tried to hone in on in the last 2 years. 

It is quite a gratifying and fulfilling feeling that follows once you can surrender to the pride and just say, "you're right, I'm wrong, I'm so sorry." 

I have gotten a lot better at admitting, apologizing and trying to move on....although the third part is the hardest for me, and I have definitely not mastered it.  I can admit and apologize, yet the moving on portion is an act on my part I guess.

I can pretend I am moving on and go through the motions, but deep down inside....I'm still holding on to the guilt of what I'm admitting and apologizing for.  A wise woman told me today that holding on to that guilt is not necessary.  I don't have to do that.  I can let go and let God hold it for me, I don't have to let the guilt define me. 

That is my focus today, not letting the guilt of those things that have passed define who I am today or tomorrow.  I can live a new day tomorrow. 

So there, I have admitted something today.  I am not good at admitting and following through with that important step by actually moving on .....for real moving on.

Thanks for your support fellow bloggers!

Cinco de Mayo

I know some of you celebrate Cinco de Mayo by just using it as an excuse to get drunk.  That's fine if that's what you enjoy...but don't forget that it is destroying your brain and your ability to have real emotions.  Google it.

My discussion is not going to focus on this however, it will focus on humility.

Humility can be hard to understand.  What is humility?

hu·mil·i·ty

/(h)yo͞oˈmilitē/

Noun A modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness.

Synonyms modesty - meekness - humbleness - lowliness - submission I was taught at a young age and into adulthood that it is right to place other's wants and needs above my own.  So that is what I do by default.  In my mind humility is taking care of everyone else despite my own needs, wants and feelings. But what I've learned over time is that by putting everyone ahead of my own needs is actually self degrading.  I need to set boundaries for myself so that I can put into perspective what is and what isn't my responsibility.  I am only responsible for myself.  That doesn't mean I need to degrade anyone else in the process.  It's a fine line to draw in the sand, and it's difficult to manage.  Today I will do something for myself that I would normally put aside for someone else to enjoy. "We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life.  But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end." ~Joseph Fort Newton

Wake up wake up wake up it's the 1st of the Month!

Hello everyone!  Sorry it's been a few days since I posted.  I decided I would take the weekends off from blogging and only post on the week days, but my Monday and Tuesday got away from me!  But here I am on this fine Wednesday...blogging away for you all.

I don't have anything pressing too heavily on my mind today other than gratitude.  You wouldn't think one would have to work so hard to be grateful for the things they have....but most people aren't grateful from day to day.  They take things for granted. 

I, for one, am guilty of this.  I really have to put a huge focus on being grateful everyday for things in my life.  Even the little things...good or bad...I should be grateful. 

Things I can focus on being grateful for, even if I'm having a shitty day.

1. Being alive!
2. Being healthy!
3. Having a Job!
4. Having people who love me!
5. Having three healthy happy boys!
6. Having two healthy happy pugs!
7. Having food on my table!
8. Having clothing!
9. Having shelter!
10. Having a companion for life! (even if he is a pill some days :)
11. Having all my teeth, and a tooth brush/tooth paste to brush them with!
12. Having electricity!
13. Having Water!
14. Having a soft pillow/blanket and comfy bed to snuggle in!
15. Having clean under wear and a washer/dryer to keep them that way!
16. Having a computer to blog on!

the list goes on and on and on and on.  I hope I've inspired you to be grateful for those you love and the things you have....even if you don't have all the things you ever dreamed of....there are a lot of people in this world that dream for the things we take for granted and don't even have them...like clean water...or any water for that matter!

Be grateful! 

Live, Laugh Love and happy Hump day!

What is serenity anyways?!

se·ren·i·ty

/səˈrenitē/

Noun The state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled: "an oasis of serenity". A title given to a reigning prince or similar dignitary.

Synonyms calm - calmness - tranquillity - peace - composure "SERENITY NOW!" "While I am responsible for changing what I can I have to let go of the rest if I want peace of mind. Just for today I will love myself enough to give up a struggle over something that is out of my hands." "By yielding you may obtain victory." -Ovid

Live and Let Live

Sometimes I worry so much about what others are doing in my life, I forget to live.  I would say, most of my life I have not really LIVED the way I want to, simple because I have others thoughts, feelings and well being in mind.  Don't get me wrong, it's great to put others before yourself.  However, if this is all you do every second of every day, you are forgetting the most important person...YOU!

I have come to the realization, with much reluctance, that I can't change anyone but myself...though it doesn't stop me from trying.

I can't make someone like me, I can't make someone live the way I think they should etc. etc. etc.

A wise woman once said to me, "do you always take other people's advice?  Then what makes you think someone would take yours?!"

Because I'm always right that's why!!!!  ha!

All I can do is share what works for me and hope that it helps those I love along their path in this life.  If not, I can't carry that burden.  It's too heavy for me to bear other's problems.  Even if I want to carry other's burdens for them to make their life easier...it's not mine to hold and maybe they don't want me to carry it!?


"We need to learn to live, to focus on something good or useful to our lives and let the rest of the world go about its business."

Have a good night!

Business as Usual

For my topic today, I'd like to discuss work and family.  Sometimes separating work and family can be difficult.  Most people have a difficult separating their personal life from work and focus while on the job.  I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite.  I work when I'm home, and if I don't have work to do...I'll find something to work on.  Or if I have a day off, I am working on side projects or school projects.  I do think that it's a positive thing to be able to use my love for my job as an "escape" from personal crisis, but at the same time I can't ignore my family all together.  This continues to be a focus of mine.

Lately with new opportunities with my job I find myself falling back into that habit of forgetting my family.  So I have to make a conscious effort to focus on spending quality time with my mate, my kids and my dogs, yet be successful with my career at the same time.  Sometimes that can make my homework suffer, and I miss important details for the job that I can't really afford to let fall through the cracks.

The best thing for me to do is just keep practicing how to balance these things and prioritize by completing the most important tasks first and letting the less important things wait until a more appropriate time.  Practice makes perfect and I know I can do better the harder I try at it and the more I try, the better my priorities will be.  I want to be successful in everything I do, and sometimes I put so much pressure on myself...I tend to just give up on everything. (which isn't productive at all!)  Luckily I am able to pull myself back up and get busy now days!

I tend to get very anxious when I feel overwhelmed and don't always handle that anxiety in a positive manner.  However the more I make a conscious effort to focus on what I need to accomplish and make myself aware of my anxiety, the better at this I get.  I can tell myself to stay calm and focus...:)  By focusing on what need to do for myself, this will help me prioritize and use the most of my time.  Not everything is a crisis...

New to This

So I have NEVER blogged before, but I do write a lot.  I'm not the best writer in the world either, but it is good therapy for me none the less.

I have decided to start a blog simply because a friend of mine started one, and I think it's a great idea.  I also think it could be helpful for others as well as myself and loved ones.  (Thanks Jessica!)

As many of you know, and many of you don't...I have been in a relationship with my fiance for just at 7 years now and we are planning a wedding for August of next year.  I have two furry little pets, Rambo and Irving. They are snorty little pugs and they are a light in my life...as well as a pain!:)♥  I have twin sons that are almost 14 and my fiance, Johnny has a son that is 9.  All of the boys are a pure joy for Johnny and I and we try to spend as much time hanging out with them and guiding them to be strong, respectful young men.  None of the kids live with us full time, so that is emotional and challenging as a parent as you can imagine.

Johnny and I both struggle with this affliction of not having our children and it causes trials and tribulations in ways that you wouldn't believe.  We are both happy go lucky people that have constant struggles with staying positive.  We are good people and we are good to our children.  We love to have fun and spend time together.  But life kind of deals some stinky cards, and that's why I created this blog.  I am constantly trying to better myself and my family situation by looking inward at what I can change to become a better person and live a happier life. 

I would like to share how I attempt to accomplish that serenity day to day.  I have failures along the way, those will be shared as well.  I am pretty candid so I will try to keep this focused on myself, rather than others that influence me in my life.

I am a photographer so I use photography as therapy at times, I can share those images with you along with my words.

Hopefully I can help someone else out there that is struggling with serenity along the way!