Sir Isaac Newton - what?

Isaac Newton was quoted by stating, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”  What does this mean exactly?  That everything has consequences?  That no matter what you do there will be some sort of reaction to it.  The word ‘opposite’ throws me off.  If I push something, does that mean it moves at the same rate I push it (equal reaction) or opposes my pushing and pushes back (opposite reaction)?           

            Then there is the thought, does this just apply to physical/tangible objects or does this also apply to intangible things such as feelings, emotions, motion, sound, etc.  Knowing that this is a law of “motion” I conclude that this applies to things that are intangible.   But of course, I look for my answers in the only logical place….the internet.   

            From my short research project on the principles of laws of motion I discover the following in summary of the way I understand it.

·                  Action and Reaction are Equal and Opposite

o    “if one object exerts a force on a second object, the second exerts an equal and oppositely directed force on the first one.” 

(my analytical tendencies were still stuck on the quote, but I found a good explanation that really helped me understand the principle of the 3^rd law here.)

            So, I often think of the 3^rd law of motion when pondering why I do certain things.  I am constantly assessing my reactions, and re-assessing, and Obsessing about why I do the things I do, why I can’t control my own reactions.  So, back to the internet…I look for how this principle of action vs. reaction applies to the world of psychology.  This was a hard topic to search, but I did find an interesting topic on Reaction vs. Response.

           

            For me, I tend to reply to situations reactively (with ego, defense, emotion, seclusion etc.) rather than responsively (situation assessment, think before responding, listen, breath.)

            “Occasionally what flies out of our mouth is just the thing to get the world to move the way we want it. But this result is just more fuel for the reactive mind, which uses its success to justify future reactions.  Conversely - Response implies that there is space between an event and our interpretation of an event. That space is all that is necessary to allow in a more intelligent aspect of ourselves to steer the proverbial ship. “

            So how does this apply to Sir Isaac Newton and his laws of motion?  The key word here people is REACTION.  Most people tend to react to a situation, a conversation, a “crisis” etc.  As humans, we don’t take the time to be responsive and thoughtful in all situations.  It is just not in our nature. 

            In my experience, my reactions are psychologically un-healthy and my responsiveness is an after though – after my ‘reactions’ have already presented themselves and made a situation worse.  This is something I haven’t always owned – but CHANGE is on the horizon, which is why I’m back to blogging/writing. 

            My reactions tend to come out in the following ways, (to name a few, I’m sure that other people could add to this list a multitude of reactions that I don’t even realize are happening)

·         Anger

·         Anxiety

·         Depression

·         Finger-pointing

·         Yelling/arguing

·         Reclusive behaviors

·         Self-Doubt

·         Shopping (trying to feel complete/valued)

·         Justification

·         Blame

·         “Self-Medication” (I use this term loosely) in the form of

o   Shopping

o   Gossip

o   Alcohol Abuse

o   Over Working

·         Self-Hate

·         Martyrdom (please click this to understand this confusing complex)

·         Guilt – like I’m being punished for past poor choices

·         Control

·         Etc. etc. etc.

I notice that I am upset at myself when I have a reaction, more so than I am at the person I am reacting to!  Because I know there is a better way! 

Some better responses that I am aware of but don’t think about until I’ve reacted are as follows.

o   Thinking rationally and responding with discussion

o   If an argument is too heated, calmly explaining that you will re-visit the topic when both parties have calmed down.

o   Doing productive things rather than falling into the over-thinking/depressive cycle

o   Working out

o   Painting

o   Drawing

o   Writing

o   Self – care

o   Look at my part in the situation and acknowledge where I messed up and apologize

o   Look for solutions rather than focus on what went wrong

o   Take a deep breath and wait to respond rather than just fly off the handle with unhealthy reactions

Let’s face it, depression is a bitch and we can’t always control when it decides to rear its ugly head on us, but for me it is usually situational.  I can ward off those nasty feelings if I’m distracted with what is going right in my world.  But as soon as something reminds me that my life isn’t perfect, I fall off the deep end.  I react to things as though they are the worst thing in the world and I’m the only one suffering the woes of life.  It takes a lot of practice to feel comfortable in a bad situation.  Some days I feel like a master, but let’s face it, most days I feel like a failure. 

Practice doesn’t necessarily make perfect as the old saying goes.  I prefer the saying “progress, not perfection.”  This is a rule that may actually motivate me in a more positive way instead of constantly striving for perfection.  Maybe if I remind myself of this daily I will be able to become more responsive and less reactive.  I may not be able to defy the 3rd law of motion physically, but I can try to make my natural reactions more conducive to a healthy relationship by practicing better ways to respond. 

My homework: 

o   List what I am grateful for today (just for today) 3 things

o   My coffee that I didn’t have to make because my hubby made it for me.  Thank you honey bear.

o   Technology which allows me to type my thoughts instead of writing them.  I can type faster than I can write, and my thoughts are hard to keep up with so typing helps!

o   The progress my most important relationship is beginning to make toward a healthier way.  (Not perfection, but improvement!)